So there I was, fresh off the Astral Express and stepping onto the neon-soaked streets of Penacony, expecting a holiday filled with glamour, jazz, and maybe a little too much SoulGlad. What I got instead was a crash course in masochistic achievement hunting that left me questioning my life choices — and loving every minute of it. Penacony might look like a dream, but let’s be real: it’s a hidden-achievement theme park designed by a particularly creative trickster Aeon. If you’re like me and need every last Stellar Jade, buckle up. I’m about to walk you through the most gloriously unhinged tasks this planet has to offer.
Let’s start with something straightforward: getting hit by a car. Yes, Rules Are Made to Be Broken is as simple as standing in the middle of the Golden Hour road and waiting for a luxurious vehicle to remind you that pedestrians are merely suggestions. I recommend loitering near the main plaza with a cup of coffee in hand — it adds to the existential vibe. While you’re at it, keep an eye on those animated billboards. If you can make one follow you and then lead it into traffic, you’ll snag another achievement. I call it “billboard-assisted jaywalking.”
Now, if you’d rather emotionally manipulate people than face vehicular manslaughter, the Savor Emotions achievement is your jam. Use Clockwork on a single person and cycle through all four emotions without leaving the screen. It’s like speed-dating a stranger’s psyche — awkward, invasive, and surprisingly satisfying. Then there’s the whole vehicle collection saga. Daisy in Golden Hour sells cars like they’re candy, and you’ll need to buy every single one for the My Favorite Car achievement. Once you’ve got your fleet, park any car in the designated VIP spot (except the Luxury Speedster Cab). Interact with the car parked there, and boom — achievement. Park that fancy Cab in the same spot later, choose the dialogue option about being broke, and you’ll get Breaking Even. It’s the game’s way of saying, “Congratulations, you’re now an indebted car collector.”
Golden Hour also hides a Cash Spewer that spits out credits if you bother it enough — five interactions for The Wolf of Glaux Avenue. I stood there clicking like a madman while tourists walked by, probably thinking I was trying to fix the local economy. Nearby, a dramatic Intellitron accident scene lets you piece together a Rashomon-style whodunnit that rewards patience with the Rashomon achievement. And who could forget the trashcan? East of The Reverie Hotel, there’s a lonely dumpster that, when investigated, gives you Déjà Vu. I swear this planet has more sentient garbage than sentient beings.
Dreamflux Reef is where the weird gets weirder. Ever wanted to ride an elevator just to press a button at the exact millisecond it appears? That’s Where Splendor Meets Sorrow. The prompt flashes for a split second; miss it, and you’ll be riding that contraption until you know every floor’s muzak by heart. There’s also a ghost train on abandoned tracks that gives Waiting for Godot — no Beckett required, just a willingness to touch rusty metal. I spent an afternoon sitting on a couch for over 30 seconds despite the game insisting I had better places to be. That’s An Afternoon’s Worth of Sitting, a meditation on procrastination itself. And boxes. So many boxes. Stacked high and ready for you to climb, just to earn Boxes and Ladders. It’s as if the devs watched a cat play and thought, “Yes, that’s achievement material.”
Then we have the Penacony Grand Theater, where things get theatrical. Eight puppets stand on stage, and interacting with each one — ending with the final puppet a second time — awards Just a Walking Shadow. I felt like a stagehand with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. In the 3D puzzle rooms, you can unlock Think Thrice Before Acts by moving a Dream Module, activating a Bubble Bridge, and then immediately… walking back to move the module again without crossing. The sheer defiance of logic tickles my soul. After finishing the main story, a disguised Robin gives you a feather-related quest that ends with The Feather He Dropped, a surprisingly tender moment buried under all the shenanigans.
And let’s not forget the Radiant Feldspar — a luxury cruise ship that doubles as a circus of oddities. You can run circles around the pool until the game literally yells at you, earning either Host’s Choice or Guest’s Choice depending on when you do it. I chose to do it both times, naturally. There’s a car park hidden below deck where leaving your vehicle grants Need for Speed, which is ironic because you’re parking, not speeding. Upstairs, a telescope gives Invisible Cities, and at the stern, a dramatic Titanic pose nets My Heart Will Go On. I may have hummed the flute solo.
Then there’s the matter of turning the Astral Express into a home cinema. After buying a TV from Brother Hanu’s shop in Dreamflux Reef, you place it in the Parlor Car for Astral Express Night Live. But the real kicker? Transforming into Hanu and sneaking into Dan Heng’s room gives you The Invisible Guest. I’m still apologizing to him for that. And if you’ve ever wanted to hear Mr. Double Bass perform entirely off-key, the A Star Is Born achievement has you covered.
Penacony is, without a doubt, a fever dream of hidden achievements. Some require the patience of a saint, others the self-preservation instincts of a potato. I’ve been hit by cars, befriended billboards, ridden ghost trains, and armchair-psychoanalyzed half the population — all for a few extra Stellar Jades. Do I regret it? Not even a little. So if you’re a completionist walking these dreamy streets, embrace the chaos. The achievements are waiting, and they’re every bit as absurd as you hope.
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